I published “The Withering Petal” almost a year ago. It was an impulsive decision. I had no plan, didn’t even review the poems before i decided to publish it.
I just wanted to tick off that “publish a book” item in my bucket list.
Stupid, I know.
A year later I finally had the courage to actually read what I wrote. And to say that I was embarrassed would be an understatement.
Well, some are not that bad. So, I thought I’ll share them with you guys.
1. Silence
Wasn’t it supposed to be different,
A bond built on trust and care,
But here I stand, shattered,
As you turn away, unaware.You were meant to be my safe place,
The one who would never let me fall,
Yet your words, sharp as daggers,
Are the ones that wound me most of all.Why does your love come with conditions,
With your image, your needs, your pride?
What about me, the one who’s crying,
The one you’ve left behind?Am I not worthy of your tenderness,
Of love that doesn’t bruise and break?
Am I not enough to be held close,
Or am I just a mistake?You taught me love should never hurt,
But you’ve made it a pain I can’t escape,
And all I’ve ever wanted was to feel
That I was enough for your embrace.I don’t need the world, just your truth,
Just a word, just a sign,
That I’m worth your love,
That I’m not lost, not left behind.But every time I reach for you,
You push me further away,
And I’m left with nothing but silence,
And the ache of what you’ll never say.
You know what the funny thing is? Everyone who read this thought it was about a lover. It wasn’t.
2. Maybe This Time
I’m trying to forget the weight of their words,
The scars they left, etched into my skin
Each one a reminder of battles fought in silence.
I walk through the streets, pretending to be whole,
But each step makes me weaker than before.The tears won’t stop falling,
But I don’t know how to stop them anymore.
Maybe this time, my fears won’t win.Maybe this time, there’s something new beneath the skin.
Maybe this time, I won’t lose the fight,
Maybe, just maybe, I’ll find the light.Maybe this time, I’ll have something to hold on to
A reason to stay, a reason to move through.
The words they spoke, cutting sharp as knives,
Imprinted in my mind, they refuse to fade.I live, but I’m hollow inside,
Chasing breath, but it’s like chasing shadows.
I’m running, running from the ghosts in my head,
But they follow me, always,
Always.I sit, trembling with a razor in my hand,
The temptation so familiar, so close.
I trace the scars, deeper now,
A story written in blood and regret.But somewhere deep inside,
I wonder if this endless fight is worth it,
If the afterlife is kinder than this waking hell.I’ve been strong for too long
But maybe now,
Maybe now, I’ll break free from this cage.
Maybe the demons will love me better than you even can.
This one was actually supposed to be a song. I wrote it in 2014. But then I tried to repupose it as a poem for the book. I like the song better though, even though it might be cringe.
3. Mistake
I stand accused of something I never did,
Shouted down, ridiculed,
As if I were the one to blame.How can I defend myself
When I can’t read your mind?
Why should I know what you never told me,
What you never gave me the chance to see?You throw words like stones,
Expecting me to guess the unspoken,
To fix the silence you left behind,
But I’m not a mind-reader. I’m just a person,
Trying to be enough in a world that won’t let me be.You demand things I can’t give,
Promises I didn’t make,
And when I fail,
It’s me who bears the weight of your anger,
The sharpness of your disappointment.Why am I the one to blame
When I never knew the rules of this game?Why did I never get the chance to know,
The things that matter to you,
Before you let me fall?And yet, when I look for love,
I find only stone,
Cold and unyielding,
Making me question,
Why didn’t you let me go before?
If you never wanted me here,
Why did you let me live?
This was literally just another version of Silence??? What was I even thinking. Most of the time poetry comes from the same wounds. I guess thats why it was so similar.